Where's Mary Poppins when you need her?

I think I need a nanny. I am only barely able to take care of myself. For most grown men, the wife fills this role, and most are only too happy to do it.

Unlike my wife though, my potential nanny needs to be able to follow me everywhere and stop me from making stupid decisions. She needs to be there when I'm about to drink too much downtown, or say something stupid on a sales appointment.



Most importantly, though, she needs to reason with me on my wavelength. When my wife tells me (God love her) that I need to brush my teeth "because they're gross," I'm not too motivated. The perfect nanny would at first gently remind me of the consequences of not brushing my teeth. And instead of telling me to put down the Sam Adams "because you're too silly," she would give me a stern look and refresh my memory about how every two beers equal one night-time trip to the bathroom.

So, my nanny needs to:
1: Love me like my wife.
2: Talk to me like an educated friend.
3: Be able to follow me everywhere.
4: Work for free.

Applications are being accepted at this web site's e-mail address.