Pope Sodano?

I woke up in a cold sweat this morning, again, thinking about Cardinal Angelo Sodano being elected.

Official T&A predictions of a Sodano papacy:

• Will choose the name Pope Martin Luther I.
• Won't just kiss a Koran like HH Pope John Paul II, will romance it first, like a gentleman.
• The old Protestant joke, "In the Catholic Church, who's second in authority behind the pope? - Jesus." won't be funny to Catholics any more.
• Simply denying the doctrine of "no salvation outside the Church" will now be seen as reactionary. The new teaching will be "no salvation inside the Church."
• Being a big fan of The WB Network, will ask reporters not to call his papacy "new" but instead "fresh."
• Eschewing "Vatican III," will hold next ecumenical council in Provincetown, R.I.
• Will dig up HHs Pope Piuses X-XII and throw their bodies in the Tiber.
• Will rename St. Peter's Basilica "St. Photius' Interfaith Temple."
• Taking a cue from the hip-hop community, concelebrating priests will now be listed in bulletins as "feat."
• Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling. Forty years of darkness. Earthquakes, volcanoes ... The dead rising from the grave. Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria.