"Have Scandal Your Way:" Part 2 of 3

A Throne and Altar Expose

For the last King was a jealous man. An unfortunate noble known as the Duke of Doubt, left, began to have concerns about the divine blessings that the kings had always taken credit for: flavor, juiciness, value, and peace with the McSaracens. One day, the Duke simply did not show up for Court, and was never heard from again.

But the King's taste for Croissan'wiches had been replaced by a taste for blood. His own family could not be spared - no dissenting opinion was tolerated among the aristocracy.

Then there were the weak - he may have loved his People, but among the Royal Family, The King would broach no flaws - his image must be perfect. Crippled and lame alike went off to the deep fryers. Sir Shakes-A-Lot, right, a spasmodic ice-cream-treat addict, was an obvious drag on the photogenic House of Burger. His death, being beaten alive with Chicken Tenders, was neither Sweet nor Sour.

Years of bad breeding had finally taken its toll, and Her Highness was only able to bear the King two sons: the current King, and a hirsute simpleton, right, they named Prince Tendercrisp. Even into his twenties, the poor man would wander around the castle shouting meaningless nonsense like "Where's Herb?"

And then His Highness fell out of love with her, and in the swingin' disco era, fathered a child, left, with an African-Burgerian roller-skating champion.

Next: Sometimes You Gotta Break the Rules.